Build Emotional Intelligence

This next section is all about prevention.

“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” our guides advise.

The aim here is to learn skills which will protect against the extremes of Emotion Mind. These skills, if practised regularly, will increase “feelings of joy, fulfilment, and accomplishment.”

 The authors stress that we’re not looking to banish painful emotions from our lives (as if that were even possible). No, it’s about the extremes. We’re looking to change how often “unwanted or unhelpful emotions” are experienced. And also, “how long they last, and how intense they are.”

I could really do with learning these skills. If I get upset by something on a Thursday, I’ll only be out of my upset by the following Tuesday. It sounds bonkers, but there we are. And as I’ve got older, it’s taken longer for me to recover from these (often self-inflicted) events.

Fuck It therapy (please check online for a full explanation of this approach) hasn’t worked for me, though it has its strengths. And the book Fuck Feelings – written by a psychiatrist and his comedian daughter – is definitely worth reading.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Feelings-Practical-Managing-Impossible-Problems/dp/1476789991

But back to the project at hand  - we’re now going to look at two skills which can protect against unwanted emotions. These are

Accumulating Positive Emotions

and

Building Mastery

Here’s the first stage in Accumulating Positive Emotions – it’s focussed on the short term, and “the goal is to engage in at least one pleasant event every day that brings up feelings like joy, pleasure, fun, excitement, pride, or love, just to name a few. When you speak to a friend, spend time with your dog, or engage in a hobby, you are practising Accumulating Positive Emotions.”

The trick to making this work is to really focus on the activity you’re doing.

“To get the most out of pleasant events, use your mindfulness skills such as Participating One-Mindfully and Nonjudgementally to shift your focus away from whatever thoughts or distractions are holding your attention and back to what you are doing in the present moment.”

Here’s the second stage –

Accumulating Positive Emotions in the Long Term.

It’s less fun than the first. It’s all about the benefits of living in line with your values. Internal congruence, and all that.

“Accumulating Positive Emotions in the Long Term is about working towards long-term goals and living life in a way that is consistent with your values. This often increases our sense of meaning, fulfilment, and satisfaction over time. Additionally, behaving based on your goals and values often results in a positive feedback loop in which positive events are more likely to continue occurring in the long term.”

Let’s say that one of my values is staying active and healthy. By continuing to visit the gym, and tracking my progress, I’m setting a goal (getting fitter) which is consistent with my value of keeping moving. As the authors point out, this won’t always be fun, but it will pay dividends. Going to the gym, or doing any other activity consistent with values which make the world a better place should be seen as an investment in “emotional well-being.”

The last skill in this section is Building Mastery.

This is about doing things which promote feelings of “capability, accomplishment, or pride.”

The trick to this one is to choose a task with some challenge in it,  but not one that’s so hard that you fail immediately, or give up. I’m currently trying to learn the piano keyboard. I had a couple of live lessons, but had to stop these because of money and time. I have a beginner’s book, and I found this great teacher called Alfred on YouTube who works through every lesson with his followers. He’s also very funny.

So now I’ve gone back to the beginning, and this feels a much better way to increase mastery. I’m deliberately keeping my expectations low, and getting satisfaction from just learning, and listening to Alfred. I really hope he covers book 2 of my textbook series, and beyond.

 Accumulate Positive Emotions and Build Mastery exercises are too valuable to neglect, the authors warn.

“If you find yourself having the urge to procrastinate or avoid implementing these skills, be sure to try to access Wise Mind, and  consider the pros and cons of avoiding. This is also a situation where your Opposite Action skills (from Week 4) can really come in handy!”

I’m off to practice the left hand of the piano with Alfred. Today’s brush with Mastery is overdue.