Fourteenth exercise: Brainstorming aka Barnacles on the Gym Treadmill

I was going to skip over this exercise, which is about “brainstorming in the context of one of your personal goals”,  but then a day went very bad, and so I reconsidered.

The only barnacles on the treadmill were the ones in my mind. I got very upset after a therapy session  - words from the therapist echoed in my head.  So I hotfooted it to the gym, and while I was pacing on the treadmill I imagined barnacles stuck to me. It was a quick adhesion, for sure,  but the odder thing is that I then imagined being able to shake them all off. Quick as I did this, they came back. This is not normal barnacle behaviour.

Anyhow, it was the only way I could cope at the time. My barnacle episode was a version of the mindfulness technique of observing feelings while they come and go, and recognising that feelings can be temporary. But some feelings for me come in waves which roll on for days.  The barnacles certainly came in waves. Most of them have now attached themselves to a rowing machine, but some remain stuck to me.

Later, when I tried to sleep, I woke up after an hour, the feelings worse than before. That shocked me – as if there was no refuge.

The barnacles led to some brainstorming on fixing my responses to my current therapy sessions. My goal is to find a therapy I can tolerate, a therapist I don’t get over-attached to and, ultimately, to be able get myself out of most crises without having to pay for help. Good luck to that.

“Brainstorm as many ideas as possible for how to achieve this goal. Don’t evaluate or dismiss any options as they come to you – write everything down!”

MY BRAINSTORM

I especially enjoyed drawing the car in the brainstorm above. I’ve also been asked to brainstorm solutions, making sure to include absurd ideas to get my creative side engaged. So here’s my solution brainstorm –

A bit rough round the edges, but I’ll press on. The next step here is to “choose which solution to implement using process of elimination, Wise Mind, and pros and cons. Consider how effective each solution would be to implement.”

So it’s out with cardboard therapy robot, though I’m sure this could be useful as a talisman, and it’s very affordable. It’s also out with renouncing therapy as I think the process of change, even if I can’t do it very well, is fascinating. I’ve also always been interested in therapeutic techniques and how/when they work.

It's a no to finding God, though I love Varieties of Religious Experience by William James.

So that leaves changing therapist/avoiding therapy for a year/doing a DBT skills course, and working on my overall DBT skills. Right now, the only certain one is the last  - keep working on the skills. I’m fairly sure I’ll join a skills group next year, though I wish it was next week. And as for the current therapy, who knows? I still think a year without therapy might be the best and most creative option for me. It’s also the cheapest. But I’ll need to watch out for the barnacles.