Tenth Exercise: Mindfulness of Current Emotions

This is an exercise about how to “ride the wave of our emotion”.

It can be practised by watching a film or listening to a song (one that you know will stir up an emotion). The task then is to “bring your attention to the physical sensations you feel as you’re experiencing your emotion.”

I’ve been aware recently that I’m not very good at accepting my feelings around childlessness/loss of a child. I tend to manage these emotions by deliberately avoiding reminders of what I don’t have. So this exercise was difficult for me. I decided to use my current favourite series on Netflix - New Amsterdam for this exercise. Picture of handsome, maverick, and brilliant hospital director Max Goodwin is below –

I decided to use a particular episode to do this exercise. It was all about time and the grief process. A mother who had just given birth to a stillborn daughter was given as much time as she needed to say goodbye to her child. Or, as Max put it, to fully say hello to allow the possibility of saying goodbye.  No spoilers, but Max has his own issues in this area. On top of that, another character came to a decision about a pregnancy.

This exercise advises “bring your attention to the physical sensations you feel as you’re experiencing  your emotion. Notice any action urges, and don’t act on them.”

Okay, so I found this exercise difficult. I felt desolate, and alone. For me, desolation is usually accompanied by a feeling of dread in the stomach. And I started to feel a bit deadened too.

“Notice if the physical sensations change as you Observe or Describe them. Does your emotion appear to increase or decrease as you bring your attention to physical sensations?”

I just felt increasingly uncomfortable. I already knew that as soon as the episode ended, I was going to shake myself off and go to the gym.

There are further steps too.

“If you feel willing, practise loving your emotion.” Um, not willing. I can learn to accept my grief around these issues, maybe, but loving it? This won’t happen when there’s still so much self-recrimination attached.

“Perhaps remind yourself that this emotion will not last forever, that every person alive feels this emotion sometimes, or that  emotions exist to help and protect you.”

This feels more useful. The aim of this exercise is to reduce rumination about emotion whilst bringing attention to the physical symptoms of emotions so that reactions can be better managed. At least, I think that’s the aim. As with earlier exercises, it’s about being mindful so that extra distress isn’t layered on to emotional upset.

“We know emotions can be painful. They may even feel dangerous...Emotions themselves cannot hurt us, however. In their natural state, emotions are short-term, usually lasting no more than two minutes unless we strengthen them with emotional thinking. Trying to avoid or suppress our emotions also keeps them around longer, just buried deeper in our brains and bodies.”

This was a difficult exercise, and it required me to sit with feelings on childlessness and loss, an area where I feel particularly powerless and vulnerable. I really can’t make much headway here.

Anyway, I’m halfway through season 2 of New Amsterdam (there are 5 seasons currently available.) Given that each episode is an emotional rollercoaster, I’ll have plenty more chances to practice Mindfulness of Current Emotions.