Twentieth Exercise: Coping Ahead for How to STOP in Crisis

This is where we pull out all the stops (sorry).

I had to check back to remind myself that STOP stands for  -

Stop

Take a step back

Observe

Proceed mindfully

The steps for using STOP are below –

1)    “Identify your crisis urge and how you first experience that urge in your body or mind before emotions overwhelm you. There might be a pressured or agitated feeling. Get specific about what thoughts or physical sensations you feel as you’re slipping into Emotion Mind.”

2)   “Identify how you could STOP.” This could involve physically stopping, saying ‘stop!’ aloud, putting your hand out, and so on. It strikes me that there are a lot of ways to press pause in a situation.

3)   “Identify how you could Take a Step Back.” Think about leaving the room, turning off a phone, turning away.

4)   “Identify how you could Observe.” Observing here means checking how you feel and what the situation is. In a recent situation with new people, I panicked because I felt any answer I gave would be the wrong one for others, and maybe also for me. I was in a panic, and I felt the situation was getting trickier by the second. I took several steps back, muttered my excuses, and went for a walk. Not ideal, but also not the worst decision that day.

5)   “Identify how you could Proceed Mindfully. Practice Wise Mind, read your Pros and Cons, or consider what would be most effective based on the facts and your goals.”

6)   “Identify your ideal outcome. How would this crisis end if you act totally skilfully? How would you want to feel by the time you’re finished with your skills? Describe in detail the outcome you desire.”

7)   “Using the information from the above steps, imagine yourself following this Cope Ahead plan. Visualize it as if you are living it in real time, not just watching it as a spectator. As vividly as possible, picture yourself experiencing the initial crisis – your urges, emotions , and sensations – then visualize STOP-ing, acting skilfully, and reaching your desired outcome.”

This is good stuff, but like all DBT skills, learning to STOP takes practice.  But then, so do most things if you’re trying to get good at them.