Nineteenth Exercise: Pros and Cons

This exercise is a bit of thinking ahead using Wise Mind.  It’s about looking at the consequences of problem behaviour before it’s engaged in. The skill being practised is Pros and Cons. Here’s what the authors say -

“The crisis survival skill of Pros and Cons can help you resist “problem behaviours” by bringing your attention to all the consequences that would come from engaging in them. Although you can use this skill in a moment of crisis, it’s much more effective to complete Pros and Cons beforehand when it’s easier to access Wise Mind.

So, on with the exercise. Here are the steps –

1)   “Name the problem behavior that your distress prompts for you during a crisis.”  Let’s say feeling misunderstood might prompt me to speak destructively (aka an outburst).

2)   Now I need to look at the pros of such behaviour. I may feel better in the short term (feelings released, etc.) I might even think that I have shown my authentic self.

3)   What are the cons? Well, I’ll be embarrassed afterwards, and I’ll then have to try to explain myself to the people I’ve damaged. And they still may not understand why I’ve behaved that way.

4)   “Identify the pros of resisting the crisis urge or using skills. What positive consequences happen when you resist the urges for this behaviour, or use skills – for example, pride, improve relationships, keep commitments, receive support, personal growth?”

5)   “Next, identify the cons of resisting the crisis urge or using skills. What negative consequences happen when you resist the urges for this behaviour – for example, takes effort, distress may last longer, confusion, discomfort, anxiety/fear?”

6)   The next step is to list all the pros and cons, and all the consequences.

7)   “Circle or mark the consequences that are most important to you.” For me, in this decade, what’s important is not being destructive in my relations with others aka keeping cool and being kind.

“Pros and Cons usually end up showing two things. First, it makes sense that you want to engage in impulsive behaviours – they work, at least in the sense that they often help you feel better in the short term! Second, your impulsive behaviours usually have more negative consequences than acting skilfully, especially in the long-term. Reading your Pros and Cons repeatedly for a few days (or weeks) will make it more likely that you remember them when in crisis.

Not sure what to add here. It all sounds very sensible in theory. The key is to keep rehearsing using the steps above. Which I firmly commit to doing.