Seventeenth Exercise: Take Steps Toward Your Goals

Here I get to choose one value to focus on, and one goal related to this value.

“You will then determine the steps necessary to work toward this goal. This focussed approach will decrease the likelihood that you will get distracted, overwhelmed or feel stuck.”

Okay, so I’m going to take my Non-destructiveness in relationships value and turn it into a goal called  Generally Getting along With Others, and I’m going to make this my main goal to work on. Just to note, there’s a whole section later on in this book called Get More of What You Want in Your Relationships, and that will look in depth at the key DBT skill of Interpersonal Effectiveness. Which is really what my Non-Destructiveness value is all about. So I’m jumping ahead here a bit, but my recent difficulties have suggested that this goal, rather than things I am already okay at, such as riding a spin bike, is one to work on as soon as I can.

Now I need to break my Generally Getting along With Others goal down into smaller steps so that I don’t get overwhelmed, or give up completely. It’s a measurable goal as I always know when I’ve upset someone, or been difficult, or when I’ve contributed to an interaction going badly. So if these events reduce in number, I’ll know I’m generally making progress.

To work towards this goal, I’ll need to apply these qualities or strategies to my interactions with others –

Consideration (of others, and myself).

Wise Mind (the middle path that takes emotion and reason into account but isn’t  dominated by either).

Mindfulness

Stepping back and seeing the whole picture (without falling into the ravine that may be behind me).

This is also good time to mention the PLEASE Skills.

PLEASE skills are Additional Strategies to Reduce Vulnerability to Unwanted Emotions.

Emotional resilience can be increased by looking after our physical well-being. Here are the PLEASE Skills –

Treat Physical illness

Balance Eating

Avoid mood-Altering substances

Balance Sleep

Get Exercise

It’s best to do all 5 at once if you can, or if not, to keep them in mind.

I shall certainly be trying to do this while I work steadily on my interpersonal effectiveness goal aka Generally Getting along With Others.